She Follows Her Heart
by pistonsfan75
Summary: A one-shot about Mulan and Shang's fight at the river village and break-up, from Shang's POV. This was chapter 3 in In Sickness and In Health, but I decided to give it its own title. Song lyrics removed. No longer a songfic, just a oneshot.


The three soldiers silently escorted the princesses back to their tents after I'd given them a scolding reminiscent of the boot camp drill sergeant I had once been over them. I felt like I was back at Wu Zhong with the three of them not taking their tasks seriously.

We were on a secret and very vital mission. The Mongol tribes had united and were gathering near our borders. Our forces had been all but wiped out in the recent Hun invasion. We couldn't defend our own nation. I was due to start training 2,000 new recruits at Wu Zhong in less than a month. But it was too little, too late.

Because we were no match for this new threat, the Emperor was sealing an alliance with them. We were escorting his three oldest daughters to Qi Gong to wed the three sons of Lord Chin.

Yao, Ling and Chien Po knew their duty, yet chose to let themselves develop feelings towards these three princesses who were betrothed and soon to be married.

I'd woken up to find everyone gone from the campsite, so I'd followed their footsteps to a little village. Upon arriving, I'd found Mulan standing nearby like nothing was amiss while the soldiers and princesses were obviously being less than platonic. It was beyond unbelievable.

After ordering the six of them back to the site, I'd stood with my hands behind my back glaring at Mulan. Her involvement had been confirmed when I'd found a letter in the royal tent. The middle daughter had written a letter to her father that she was running away because her duty was to her heart. That was verbatim what Mulan had said earlier about not being supportive of their arranged marriages because her duty was to her heart.

She'd seen my fury immediately and tried to calm me down.

"Shang, the problem isn't as bad as it seems."

"The problem, Mulan, is you. You place your own feelings above everything. Duty, obligation, tradition. They mean nothing to you."

Could she not see that duty and obligation is what drove my existence?

"They mean everything to me. My heart tells me my duty and I follow it."

I let out an exasperated groan. Exactly!

"You're a brilliant warrior, Shang. You're brave, you're loyal. But you don't trust your heart. Sometimes, I wonder if you even have one!"

How could she stand there and say she wonders if I even have a heart? I spared her at the Tung Shou Pass, did I not? If I didn't have a heart, I would have taken her life right then, as I was supposed to do.

But I had looked into her pleading eyes as she'd knelt in the snow and my fury at her deception had evaporated. She was beautiful and I was man enough to notice that. As her sword fell to the snow and her head jerked up at me in surprise, I had briefly wondered if I could someday be hers.

And now she accused me of having no heart. Fury rose up in me.

"This assignment has made it clear. We are very different people."

Her duty was to her heart. Mine was to my country and my Emperor. I was an army general and it was my duty to protect them both. Even if it meant my life. There was no room for my heart to interfere.

Why did I ever think it was a good idea to become engaged? I should not be forever bound to this woman who only "followed her heart".

"Maybe too different."

I gasped. Mulan felt the same way. She wanted to be free and no longer wanted to marry me any more than I wanted to marry her.

So be it. Our engagement was off.

"Fine." I got on my horse. "We have a mission to complete." Then we were through. I could carry on my military duties without interference and she could go follow that heart of hers all over China if she wished.

With that, I took off back to camp and went straight to my tent. The soldiers had been playing when they were supposed to be guarding, so they could guard the rest of the night. I told them so they wouldn't get any ideas about getting any rest tonight.

I heard Mulan's horse come into camp shortly after I got to my tent, and I heard her go into hers.

I'll admit, I didn't sleep. My tent was right next to hers and it didn't sound like she did, either.

Her duty had been to her heart when she'd taken her father's conscription and came to my camp dressed in his armor.

Her duty had been to her heart when she'd grabbed the cannon from Yao and charged toward Shan Yu and set off the avalanche that destroyed thousands of Huns.

Her duty had been to her heart when she'd saved me from the avalanche.

Her duty had been to her heart when she came to the Imperial City warning me that the Huns were there, even when I yelled at her to go home.

Her duty had been to her heart when she'd rapidly hatched a plan to rescue the Emperor, even though I'd just told her she didn't belong at the Imperial City.

Her duty had been to her heart when she could have slid down the rope and left me unconscious and at Shan Yu's mercy, or lack of it. But she chose to cut the rope instead, cutting off his last grasp at the Emperor and ruining her own escape.

Her duty had been to her heart when she saw him raise his sword to my neck and thrown her shoe at him, then led him onto the roof to his death.

If it hadn't been for her heart, I wouldn't be alive right now and Shan Yu would be ruling China.

She had saved us all by following her heart instead of tradition.

We are very different people. There was no denying it. But her heart was what drew me to her. Was I really going to let this amazing woman get away from me?

But this mission nearly failed because of her, I told myself. Now her heart could send China into a war against the Mongols because she allowed the princesses to break their vows to their father to marry Mongol princes.

But, she'd saved China before, maybe she would again.

My mind was made up. I did not want to live without this woman. I got dressed and tapped on her tent.

"Mulan? Are you in there? We need to talk."

Silence.

"Mulan?"

She finally opened the door and let me in. Her eyes were swollen from crying, and her hair and dress were disheveled. But, she looked beautiful to me.

She sat down on the floor, so I sat across from her.

"Mulan? I realized that if you never followed your heart, I wouldn't be here, your father wouldn't be alive and Shan Yu would be ruling China."

"Shang, you were right. I should not have encouraged the princesses and soldiers like I did. Not everyone can marry for love. I know that now. I'm sorry"

"I'm sorry, too, Mulan. I blamed everything on you, but the princesses made their own choices."

"But we truly are very different people, Shang. I don't want to hold you back. I feel like if we're together, you can't carry out your responsibilities as General."

"Yes, I can, Mulan. I can."

"No. This needs to be the end, Shang. Your country needs you. You don't need me getting in the way."

"Mulan, please. I'm willing to work this out."

Tears were running down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, Shang. After we complete this mission, this is goodbye."

"But I love you, Mulan. Don't you love me anymore?"

"Yes, I do. I've loved you since Wu Zhong. But I'm not the right woman for you. Goodbye, Shang."

I stood up to leave. So this is what it feels like when your heart breaks. By the time the cold air hit me, my face was set in stone.

I took over watch and sent Yao, Ling and Chien Po to their tents. There was no way I was going to sleep, I knew that now.

Her heart had drawn me in. She had always followed it. But now she chose obligation and duty instead, my obligation and duty that she didn't want to stand in the way of.

Several minutes later, she came outside and told me she'd help me with night watch, since there was no way she was going to sleep, either..

I took one side of the camp, she took the other. We were only about 30 feet apart, but it may as well have been miles.

Watching her through little stolen glances, I hoped that my broken heart would heal someday. I thought I saw tears on her cheeks more than once. My own face was stone, although inside I was shattering.

When everyone else was awake, we broke camp and continued on our way. The princesses rode on the back of an oxen. Their tiny feet prevented them from walking more than just a little at a time. I wondered if Mulan had seen their feet and what her reaction was. Nothing bristled her more than the mistreatment of women and girls and she wasn't afraid to be vocal about it. For that, I was proud of her. Maybe her heart would lead her to bring about change.

The soldiers walked. Two of our horses had died in the plunge into the river and the royal carriage was broken beyond repair. I rode on my white stallion and Mulan rode on Khan.

Every once in awhile we'd look over at each other, then straight ahead again. It was over, there was no denying it. No matter how much we loved each other, we weren't right for one another.

I doubted I would ever love again. I'd spend my life single, devoted to leading the military and serving the Emperor. I hoped Mulan would find happiness with someone whose duty was also to his heart.

Goodbye, Mulan. I hope the world is good to you.


End file.
